It’s been a long and emotional day – the roller coaster type where there are plenty of highs and a few good lows. Trying to keep it all in and to not read between the lines and to just be patient is so hard. There really are only a few things in my life where I have good patience – like fishing and, well yeah, probably just fishing. Otherwise I have minimal patience and frustrate easily. That’s where I am right now.

I’m laying in bed, alone, and it’s pitch black minus the Blackberry glow as I type, and the rain is spattering against the window and in the gutter. Aside from the alone part – this is normally a favorite time. I love it dark and quiet besides the rain – though the glorious summer thunderstorms are over. And I don’t feel peaceful. I’m exhausted but am having trouble finding sleep. I’m not restless but I’m not comfortable. My mind is cluttered and my heart is heavy and this tiny life inside of me is a wiggly reminder of all that is good.

There is waiting ahead and no patience left. What seems like temporary darkness right now feels like it could last awhile. The alone feels so overwhelmingly lonely.

I will get some sleep, I hope, and detail it all out a bit more tomorrow. For now I hope the next few hours bring calm and clarity and I wake up to a fresh new day with plenty more patience I the wait is long.

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