Surprisingly, I slept well last night. I thought I’d be up all night – tossing and turning and worrying – but I slept. I was thankful for that since the nerves kicked in as soon as I woke up. I knew it could potentially be a tough day. James and I haven’t talked much about the “what if’s”. We’ve tried to keep positive and put thoughts out of our head and just focus on having a healthy baby.

Fortunately, the wait at the office wasn’t too long. I had to give my usual run down of history to a nurse that was so quiet which made me feel uncomfortable. She repeated that an Echogenic Focus is a very common and usually goes away by the time of the perinatologist ultrasound. It was encouraging. We were moved to a very small room for the ultrasound and she started right away. James and I held hands, hoping this would be smooth and easy and we could get out of there. It’s always so nice to see this little guy – he’s changed so much since the last scan just 3 weeks ago. I can’t wait to hold him. She scanned the whole baby very generally and then did several measurements. I was trying not to hold my breath in anticipation for the heart but I think I was.

And then there it was, the heart, with a bright white spot sitting there quite prominently. My own heart sank and I didn’t have to ask if what I was seeing was still the spot that we had hoped had resolved itself, but I did anyway. Her confirmation made my heart sink that much. I didn’t cry, but I wanted to. I know it’s possibly not a big deal but it can be.

She finished the scan, said everything else looked great. I know she was trying to keep us thinking positive and that helped for sure. But then the long wait to speak with Dr. Boyle seemed to last forever even though it didn’t.

He came into the room and confirmed that yes, the Echogenic Focus was still there and yes, it is a marker for Down’s Syndrome. But other than my age, there are no other markers so it’s quite likely he’s still a very healthy boy. I felt a bit of relief until he said that he has seen babies born with Down’s that had no markers or just one or two as well as babies born totally healthy that did have several markers. So basically – anything is possible and we know nothing more definitive than when we walked in the office. He offered us the amniocentesis to get a definitive answer – but we’d still have to wait 3 weeks for the results and while there isn’t a huge risk with doing an amnio at almost 29 weeks, the risk of uterine rupture was there and I didn’t want to have a test that wasn’t going to change the outcome only to have a preemie. So we declined.

So what do we do now? We wait. And we hope. It’s hard to imagine that this wiggly little life is anything but in all ways perfect. And that’s what we plan to expect on the day he’s born. I think the possibility of Down’s will always be in the back of my mind but I cannot let myself get consumed with those thoughts – it’s such a small chance. And the next 11 weeks are going to go by so slow, I just know it.